you.you.you.

it was nice to see ur name in my inbox this morning for a change,even when u texted me only to critisize me.thank u for watching over me.honestly i like it when u do that.it shows that u care.maybe not as much as u used to.but u care enough to actually lift a finger,text me and tell me things i already know but choose to push aside.thank you.

im not angry at u.im over being angry at u.i appreciate u telling me things.i really do.i take note of the things u tell me.i acknowledge ur words.i take it to heart.the only problem here is,i choose to not take any action and leave things be.i like it this way for now.the same way u like playing your guitar.u know how stubborn i can be.u know me better than any other human being on this planet.

i told u,time will change things.time will change me.u know that i cant and wont choose to be like this forever right?for now,we have totally different views bout many things in our lives.i know someday somehow i'll start thinking like u.but not now.

there are so many other things i would love to say here.but some things are better left unspoken.from the bottom of my heart,thank you dear. =)

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More on Andartu Terlampau..

in my previous post,i forgot to mention how utterly inappropriate the leading lady was.i guess she knew that her movie sucked.so she was trying to distract the viewers by wearing revealing clothes; short skirts,low neck tops and even suspenders.forgive me for saying this,but to be frank she looks like a whore.sorry sangat.jujur ni. T.T no matter how pretty u are,Malay girls who carry the Muslim name dont suit that look AT ALL.only westeners can sport that look and actually get away with it.maybe cause well,they were the ones who created those looks.there was even one scene from that movie where she was rolling around in bed and her shirt was kinda pulled up only to reveal her well...very "fit" tummy.i nearly threw up in my seat. T.T just when u have the urge to support the local movie scene,this is what happens.u get disappointed eventually and almost every single time.huh.

Andartu Terlampau 21 Hari Mencari Suami..

is a movie that sucks so sO SO bad that it sucks more fat than liposuction!i have no idea what got into our heads when we (we as in dee,daus,naz and moi) agreed to watch that movie.a complete waste of time and money (thank goodness it was only rm9 and not rm900.eff its still money!i could have eaten dinner at Ali's with that money!).trust me i have NEVER fallen asleep in a cinema before.i kinda broke my personal record.the movie sucked so bad that i fell asleep halfway through it.i swear i would have snored loudly as a sign of protest,a plea for help and to show how dumb that movie was but hey,i am a Malay girl with manners.very graceful.NOT.haha.the storyline is seriously sloppy.sloppier than 7-11's slurpee.up until now,i still have no clue whatsoever what the movie was about.its not that i give much of a damn anyway.its just that i kinda regret it wasnt worth the money at all.naz even wanted to punch the face of whoever directed the movie.Andartu Terlampau officially tops my list of WORST MOVIE EVER.

today,we went swedish all the way.thank u dee for treating us to meatballs!

these meatballs are currently inside daus's tummy.

for the record,i think i've gained a little weight.i have two people telling me im starting to look chubby.is that good or bad?might be a good thing now.wait till i start looking like a school bus.wonder what they'll say then.i've been eating too much lamb chop!must.stop.myself.must.save.lambs.from.being.eaten.by.a.monster.called.nini.

roger and out.i need to lie down.my stomach hurts so much that i think it might be jumping up and down and doing back flips inside my body.

*im still holding on to that pink sony mp3 i got for my birthday last year.please dont ask me why.it contains a certain sentimental value to it*

moodless.

i am NOT in the mood for anything.i have been trying so hard to stay glued in front of the laptop with Vampire Diaries to distract me.apparently,my attempts tonight are futile.what is up with me then?for one thing,it is SUPER hot tonight.the blood in my brain is boiling and is on the verge of exploding.i have thrown my window open so wide that i think it might fall off from its frame.am i worried about something?am i sad?upset?fucked up?hurt?no.none of those things apply to me tonight.i guess i'm just moodless.and its not putting me at ease.at all.

today i kinda got bored out of my wits.spent the day lazing around in bed,doing nothing useful in particular.nothing worth mentioning in here anyway.the only productive thing i did today was going to Matul's bro's wedding.was fun cuz i got to eat good food.thank you for inviting me Matul.it'll be ur wedding i'll be attending next.cheers! ;) the reception itself was beautiful.nothing makes me happier than watching two people being united in a very sacred union. =)

speaking of weddings.every girl has their own dream wedding right?know what mine is?a simple but VERY intimate garden wedding attended by only my family members and close friends.a sit down dinner under the starry night sky.the bersanding thing wouldn't be a necessity.no offense to the Malay tradition but i find it very off putting having people ogle at u on the pelamin.i want it to be meaningful,calm and quiet.im having doubts in making this dream a reality.the garden at my house is super tiny.and i think baba has other things planned for me.haha.

roger and out.got salt?i want to MURDER this ulcer inside my mouth by sprinkling salt on it.eff you ulcer!u have been a regular customer in my mouth ever since 24th january 2006,the first day i wore my braces!this spells nothing but S.H.I.T.

Citrawarna 2010...

was fun and damn colorful!if u guys are wondering what citrawarna is,it is actually a show to promote malaysia by the means of performing arts mainly dancing (DEFINITELY for dancing freaks like me!).it is held every year (i think) at Dataran Merdeka.the show consists of everything Malaysian,from the Malays to the Chinese,from teh tarik to roti canai,from Suria KLCC to Pavilion,all shown through colorful costumes,loud music and dance steps.its amazing how dancing can be used to tell different stories.since daus,wan,taufiq and ozair were participants for this year's citrawarna,only me and nazrin were the only ones left in my group of friends to be audiences slash daus's personal photographer.we went to the full dress rehearsal and the actual performance.in a way,im kinda thankful me n naz went to the full dress rehearsal.it was very much like the actual performance,minus the crowd and the VIP's lengthy speech.so we weren't really bummed out when we didnt get decent seats for the actual performance because we already watched the whole show before everybody else did!next year i might consider joining the show as one of the dancers if i was given a chance.would be very awesome indeed!every since the breakup,i've been using dancing as a distraction.it makes me happy.

i dont have anything of citrawarna to upload here because i used daus's dslr to take photos.maybe next time.

roger and out.have a wedding to attend tomorrow in USJ.

tripped and fell.got my heart broken again.

"and that was the day i promised i would never sing of love if it doesn't exist.

but darling you are the only exception..."

i wonder when would be the next time i would finally find the right tune to sing this to the person that i really really really love.
maybe in a thousand years or so.

im finally letting go.
im starting to move on.
i've made progress.too much in fact,that it surprises me.
i've turned a deaf ear and a blind eye for a long time now.
its better when i dont see and hear things.
at least it keeps my heart from aching too much.

but then again,everything was ruined tonight.
ruined by a single glance.
the pain came seeping back into my heart.
its bleeding again.
it wont stop.
it never will stop aching.
but.
no matter what u do.
no matter how sad i get.
no matter how fucked up everything is.
no matter how bad u treat me.
i just cant find it in my heart to hate u or be angry at u.

Glee Flashmob Dance.

1am.im back to being my old self.i sleep late.i wake up late.i dunno what im turning into.a bat maybe.i might as well pack up my stuff and go stay in a cave.haha.i am definitely not wife material!haihhh.no use complaining anyway. T.T im at my sister's place in KL.i've been meaning to finish reading this novel i rented at shop in Bangi.seems like my attempts to do so are returning zero results.its only ONE novel.not like..a hundred.gosh.im distracted with other things.

i've been sort of busy this week.my car broke down twice.the first was cause i left my car untouched for four days and skipped off to manjung with baba.it sort of fell apart on its own accord.the second time was entirely my fault.i forgot to turn off the lights to my car so the battery went flat.how can someone be so careless?i put baba and my friends through so much trouble because of this.im really sorry.i feel grateful i have u guys. T.T other than my car breaking down and me dashing off back and forth from Uniten to the workshop to get my car checked,i was busy with the glee flashmob dance rehearsals.i went to two out of three rehearsals.not many but i came home late each time because the rehearsals were held in KL.will be performing in midvalley (im not entirely sure) later today.

During the rehearsals,there were a bunch of people from Starworld, Astro taking shots for the Glee commercial.then came break time so me and my friends sat in front of a Glee poster.the Starworld guy came to us and handed me a microphone and told us to say "WE ARE MALAYSIA'S BIGGEST GLEEKS!!" for him to record.and so we did.a little too enthusiastically.now.my only hope is that they dont air that video.if my mom sees that commercial with her daughter's face in it,i think she shall do a backflip and hit the roof.hahaha.

all in all,the flash mob thingy isn't a complete waste of time.i have immense fun during each rehearsal.its a good exercise,a good place to meet new people,a good place to make friends and a good place to do people spotting (ya know..like weirdos and hot girls).plus.i LOVE dancing.so im really into these kind of things.

i put my niece to bed right after we had a girl talk.felt like i was ten again (that's how old my niece is).we were chatting and yapping away bout some girl in her school who was supposed to be her friend.this girl likes this boy and is trying so hard to ward off every other girl that exist from trying to be friends with this dude.wow.only ten yet so obsessed.will that girl be a pscyhopath with a knife when she grows up?hope not.malaysia does not need another addition to the crime rate that is already sky high.i remember when i was ten,i was still climbing trees and playing batu seremban instead of trying to shoo girls away from being friends with a boy.kids nowadays.hahaha.okay.now i feel old. T.T

roger and out.laundry done.must sleep now.nitey world.

groups.

notice how different kinds of group are popping up everywhere on facebook?they have groups concerning everything that cease to exist in this world.they have everything from A to Z.food.religion.music.celebrities.feelings.health.models.buildings.body parts.hobbies.u name it.everytime an issue comes up either political or criminal,a group pops out of nowhere.they like someone,they create a group.they despise someone,they create yet another group.from "i hate fasha sandha!" (which is absurd) to "Allah is a Pig" (which is downright offensive for to Muslims like me.delete group ni boleh tak?and whoever created this group,here's a coupon for one free session of skinny dipping in hell.why dont u stay there for eternity,asshat?).all of a sudden,the solution to every single problem in this world happens to be on www.facebook.com where all u have to do is click "JOIN" to join any group u fancy.see?one click.ka-blaaaaam!!everything is solved.one click.ka-boooom!!everything is solved.click here.click there.click up.click down.click tepi.right left.everywhere la.unfortunately.i am a click freak too.hahah.funny how the mind works really.

however.one group caught my eye.i came across this group called "you don't just stop loving someone.either u never did or u always will..".interesting!i shall not elaborate why.bahahaha. *evil laugh*

roger and ooooooooooooouuutt!
must.do.laundry.
must.pack.up.stuff.
must.sleep.
must.wake.up.early.
must.not.cry.when.kissing.mum.goodbye.before.pushing.off.

biggest disappointment yet.

woke up from my nap this evening.checked my phone (not that i care about it anymore since im currently boyfriend-less.its kind of a habit.haha).received a text message (oh my,what a suprise!) from a junior of mine in college.her exact words were..

"Akak..P concert tokio hotel x?aaina ada 3 ticket extra.."

the next thing i know,i was burying my head in the pillow and screaming loud into it.want me to do a demonstration?nahh.aint a pretty sight.hahaha.wont deny it.im pretty disappointed.cant help feeling that way.i got an easy access to these VIP tickets to this concert i was dying to go to.an easy access from three different people.but somehow the timing was so bad.slipped through my fingers just like that.i guess i'll have to wait for another opportunity.maybe i'll fly to Germany one day and watch them live there.sigh.

what am i doing complaining about not getting to watch some gay-ish (but very awesome indeed!) band perform?someone close to me is dealing with much tougher and more REALISTIC things.get a load of urself nini.sheeeshh.just stop the complaining already.